What If?

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What If?
Topic Started: Tuesday Nov 10 2009, 01:45 PM (375 Views)
luvinglumi	Tuesday Nov 10 2009, 01:45 PM Post #1
Keeping the LUMI love alive Posts: 9,978 Group: Assistant Managers Member #1,233 Joined: February 6, 2009 Lucas & Sami are destined!	This is my very first fanfic so please be nice. I’ve been writing this for a few weeks and finally finished enough that I can post. All characters are © NBC/Sony/Corday Productions. Permission to archive granted to Second Chances. Author: Luvinglumi Rating: PG-13 WHAT IF? Lucas recently returned from rehab and is living alone in the house he recently built for Chloe. Sami however can’t stop thinking about Lucas now that he’s back in Salem but at the same time she is planning her February wedding to Rafe. It’s early November...the holidays are quickly approaching. Chapter 1 Lucas couldn’t believe all these thoughts swirling around in his head. He was thinking out loud on the what if’s. “What if I would have given Sami another chance as she begged me to do? What if I would have believed her about not loving the man that raped her? What if I would have never sent her that email telling her to move on?" If all these things had happened he would have never committed to Chloe and more importantly Sami would have never met Rafe. “What if I would have agreed to play father to Grace? What if I would have gone with her to witness protection, both of us and Allie? Maybe that time alone in seclusion would have helped us grow closer, helped us heal and still serve the purpose of protecting her which was the ultimate goal.” Lucas felt so alone for so long but somehow hopeful for the future now and that was such an odd feeling. In less than three months his life as he planned it had crumbled. He tried to make the perfect life for Chloe and himself in order to suppress his feelings for Sami. He contemplated admitting to Sami, when she came back from witness protection that his feelings for her were still there. Then he saw that she had started to move on with someone else and he shut those feelings back in the deepest part of his heart and swore to completely bury them by marrying Chloe. It had actually worked somewhat until now. Now his heart was a flutter. His marriage to Chloe had been annulled, he was single man again and as in the past all his thoughts centered on Sami. Thinking out loud again, his biggest question to himself was, “What do I do now? “ Should he tell her how he felt all along? He thought, maybe she doesn’t care in that way about me anymore or “maybe her feelings for me are also suppressed.” Did she fall for Rafe because she feels safe with him or is it love? “Had this FBI guy Rafe taken my place in her heart? If I tell her about my feelings will she think I’m rebounding from Chloe? Oh if she only knew that I never stopped loving her.” Some time had passed and the thoughts in his head wouldn’t go away, it was late at night and Lucas was alone with his thoughts. He was tired of wondering and slowly fell into a deep sleep on the couch. --------- ------------ ------------ --------------- ---------------- ---------------- Sami was getting ready for bed. She fixed herself some herbal tea. She had been very impatient lately and she hadn’t slept soundly for two nights. Rafe tried to have her say what was bothering her but she wouldn’t. He wanted her to open up to him. Sami sat on the couch with her tea and told Rafe, “Maybe, I’m just subconsciously worried about Lucas”. Rafe frowned at the mention of his name. “Oh your go to guy, I forgot he’s out of rehab isn’t he?” Are you afraid he’ll fall off the wagon again now that he’s alone at home? You know with Chloe gone, and Kate married to Stefano.” Sami stopped him. “You don’t have to remind me what Lucas has been through, I know it all too well and I am worried about him. He is the father of my children and I will always care about his well being.” Rafe interrupted Sami, “Well if you are so concerned why don’t you go see him?” “You don’t mind?” replied Sami. “Well it is very late and I don’t want you to go alone.” “Rafe, I trust Lucas, he would never do anything that would jeopardize me. “ “I wasn’t thinking about Lucas doing anything.” Rafe stated. “I just don’t want you driving alone so late at night.” “Don’t worry; I have always taken care of myself.” “Really?” said Rafe as if questioning Sami’s capabilities. “Well, the times I haven’t, I’ve had you and Luc.” Sami paused mid sentence and changed the subject. She quickly grabbed her purse and told Rafe she’d be right back. As the door shut Rafe thought out loud, “Why didn’t you kiss me goodbye Sami?” Then he paused and concluded, “You have other things on your mind now, don’t you?” ----------- ----------- ----------- ----------- ----------- ----------- ----------- Lucas was sound asleep on the couch. He didn’t hear Sami’s knock, she knocked harder but he still didn’t come to the door. Sami got her spare key for emergencies that Lucas had given her when he moved into the new house with Chloe. Sami kept it always in the inner zippered pocket in her purse and for the last two days she made sure it was there. Sami proceeded to open his door and she called out his name. She came in and shut the door and walked into the living room. As she moved closer to the middle of the room she noticed Lucas on the couch. She didn’t know if he was drinking again so she wanted to get closer to his face to see if she could smell alcohol on his breath. As Sami got closer to where Lucas was she kneeled down next to him. She noticed how relaxed and serene he looked while he slept. She remembered the countless times she stared at him while he slept and cried in silence when she was about to marry Elvis. She knew that her decision would ruin both their lives and she hated herself for what she was about to do to them. She was so entranced in her thoughts that she didn’t realize Lucas’ eyes were now open and he was looking straight at her. Her eyes caught his and she didn’t even want to blink. As she looked deeply in his chocolate colored eyes she felt something she hadn’t felt in a while. She wanted to tell him how worried she had been but she was speechless now. He couldn’t take his eyes off her and she couldn’t stop looking at him. Then she saw a tear emerge from the side of his right eye and it slowly ran down his check and ended on the pillow he used to prop his head. Lucas closed his eyes. She extended her hand and wiped his cheek and with her thumb she gently rubbed his right eye. Lucas took his hand and extended it to hold hers. With his eyes still fixed on Sami’s he simply said, “Oh, Sami.” “What, Lucas?” Sami said gently. “I can’t help but wonder what if?” “What if?” said Sami. “Yes, what if I wouldn’t have been so stupid, what if I wouldn’t have pushed you away? What if I would have told you that I have never imagined my life completely without you? I hated myself for not going to Grace’s funeral even if you thought it best I didn’t attend. Hated myself for not offering you more support while you needed it. What if I would have told you when you came back to Salem from witness protection that I didn’t want you with anyone else, that I love you and that my relationship with Chloe was truly never meant to be. I wasn’t myself with her; I thought she would help me fill the void of not having you around. It was so difficult for me when you weren’t here and the only thing I could think of was you. I don’t want you to think that I’m saying this now because Chloe and I are finished. I’ve always felt this way but I couldn’t get the image of you and EJ out of my mind. Even if I tried it was there and then you told me you had feel….” Sami cut Lucas off mid sentence, “I told you how I felt then because you wanted the truth and you deserved to know it. I promised to never lie to you again and I told you. I also told you it was the biggest mistake of my life that I wanted to grow old with you, that I loved you so much. But if you would have given me a second chance then you would have realized that my heart was yours and never belonged to EJ." Lucas looked up at Sami and asked her, “Your heart was mine then, and what about now?” “Oh Lucas, I don’t want to talk about this.” “Why? You came here for a reason, didn’t you?” “I came to check on you, I was worried, I haven’t slept the past two nights thinking that you would hit the bottle again.” “Wow, you care don’t you?” A hint of sarcasm was evident in Lucas’ words. “Of course I care Lucas! You are the father of my children!” “That's right, thanks for reminding me, I had almost forgotten that I fathered two of your kids.” The bitter undertone was very evident in his words. He wanted to hear, something along the lines of…I care about you Lucas because I love you; I always have and always will. This fathering her children excuse for caring was so old already. Even if it was true, he didn’t want to hear it, but then again the many times she had asked him about what he would do if she wasn’t around, he always said he cared about her because she was the mother of his kids. So this was no different. “Listen, you and I have gone through a lot since we finally gave into years of suppressed feelings. You know this; you know that since then I would die if anything happened to you and no it’s not all about the kids but they are a big part of how I think. I don’t want Allie to grow up without a father and I want you around to talk to Will about girls, and football and everything else teen boys think about. That is why I haven’t slept and I’ve been wondering what you’ve been doing, what you’ve been thinking, how you’ve been feeling? I am worried if you found out about Chloe moving in with Daniel and if that was going to send you off the deep end again?” Lucas sat up on the couch. He covered his face with both hands and ran his hands pushing the hair out of his face. “I’m not going to do that. When I fell off the wagon this last time I am not sure if you know this, but I went looking for you. Since Maggie and I weren’t on speaking terms, I needed someone to talk to, and I don’t want you to feel guilty or anything, I’m just telling you because I can’t keep anything inside anymore. It’s not good for my recovery not to talk about my feelings.” “You were looking for me? But I was at the convent, trying to come to terms with myself.” “I know, I found out through Will later where you were.” “So you are trying to say that because you didn’t find me and you couldn’t speak to me that you ended up with a bottle of vodka instead?” “No, I’m trying to say that I need you. When I found out you weren’t here or accessible, I couldn’t take it. The same thing happened to me when Chloe ended our engagement in February and I fell off the wagon then. I would have done anything to see you that day, talk to you and get your support, I needed you then, I need you today, and I need you period.” “Am I hearing you correctly? Are you saying that when I’m not around you need to resort to the bottle to drown out your sorrows?” “Sami, you aren’t getting it are you? My life changed drastically after we fell in love and since 2003 I hadn’t picked up a single drink. Believe me there were times specifically during the last 2 years that I could have drowned myself in liquor, but your love kept me going, kept me focused on other things. I had your love and now I don’t and I don’t know how to live this way. I thought I was happy with Chloe, but I didn’t feel loved and frankly I knew from the moment I committed to her that I shouldn’t be and I was living a complete lie. How can I expect to be loved if I didn’t love her to my fullest because I could never love anyone the way that I love you?” “The way you love me?” Sami softly whispered to herself. She sounded surprised and a bit happy at the sound of the word love in the present and not the past tense. Lucas stood up and approached Sami, who had her back to him. He slowly extended his arm and his hand touched her. He turned her around and pulled her close to him. She looked up at him and her eyes met his again and he asked her point blank. “Sami, tell me the truth now, while I’m looking straight into those beautiful blue eyes that I could look at for hours. Those eyes that I wipe both happy and sad tears from. The ones that couldn’t lie to me even if you wanted to. Tell me if your heart is with Rafe now and if I’ve lost you forever.” Sami looked straight into Lucas eyes and she couldn’t stop her own eyes from getting watery. She stammered and didn’t want to tell him the truth because frankly she didn’t know it herself. She thought she was over Lucas, she thought she loved Rafe. She hadn’t been this close to Lucas since she confronted him in the hospital about his drinking and convinced him to get the help he needed. Back then she was strong, she was a bit mad at him for falling off the wagon again so the feelings then were justified. She truly thought that she cared about him then as the father of her kids only, but she noticed it was so much more than that now. “Sami, tell me the truth, please. I can’t live without knowing the truth. You must feel more than just the paternal obligation we have toward our kids, it has to be something else. You came over here today and when I looked in your eyes, I saw love Sami. I know that look; I’ve seen it many times.” Lucas’ face got closer and closer to Sami’s. His deep brown eyes looking straight into hers. He didn’t want to blink so he wouldn’t miss the expression in her eyes as she spoke. He could simply tell by looking into her eyes when she was telling the truth. “Lucas, stop please. I can’t do this. I need to go Ra…” Sami stopped talking when she realized his lips were getting closer and closer to hers. He cupped her face in his hands and lunged slightly forward to meet her lips with his. He didn’t know if she would pull back so he was ready for anything. Surprisingly she extended her arms and grabbed the nape of his neck with her hands and pushed his face into hers. Her lips slightly parted and he released a slight moan when their lips collided. He was remembering the last time he kissed her this passionately, but that time was so different. He longed for her and he didn’t want another man kissing her lips anymore. They kissed passionately for what seemed like minutes and neither wanted to let the other one go. They slowly pulled slightly away from each other but she couldn’t stop from extending her face toward him again and he didn’t want her to stop. They kissed for what appeared to be minutes. Their faces moved slightly away from each other and she took his face now with her hands and ran her thumb along his lips. “You didn’t pull back from me. Why?” Lucas whispered as his lips were millimeters away from hers. “I’ve missed kissing you Lucas. I forgot what it felt like to touch your lips with mine, to hold you in my arms. I wanted you to come back to me so many times and you married Chloe instead. I was so hurt when you eloped, I needed to bury my sorrow and I did that with Rafe.” “Sami you don’t know how much I’ve longed for you. I would sacrifice anything now to have you. Sami, don’t you realize the time is ideal. My mother isn’t my mother anymore, I haven’t spoken to her since she married Stefano and tried to kill Chloe and frankly I can live my life without her just fine. I just can’t live it without you or our children. You’ve also trusted me with some of your deepest secrets. You haven’t lied to me in so long, well that I know of anyway.” A slight chuckle escaped Lucas’ breath when he said that, but he knew in his heart that she hadn’t lied since the time she kept Ej’s rape a secret because she was too scared and she didn’t want to lose Lucas. Sami was now so confused. She loved Rafe but she would always be in love Lucas. If she married Rafe without telling him about how she truly felt for Lucas then that would be lying to Rafe who didn’t deserve it. Lucas let go of Sami’s face and slowly moved away from her but his eyes were still very much focused on hers. Sami looked up at Lucas and didn’t know what to say. “I can’t lie to you but I can’t tell you I don’t love Rafe. He’s a good man, he’s helped me during probably the toughest time in my life and I’ll be eternally grateful for that.” “I understand that Sami, but if you commit to him while loving someone else you’ll end up in the same boat I’m in, minus the drinking of course. I loved you and committed to Chloe knowing that. Although I loved Chloe the amount of love I felt for you overpowered whatever love I had for her. She knew it and that is why she opened her eyes to another man.” “Lucas, it isn’t your fault that she cheated. No matter what you felt or didn’t feel for her she should have told you that she had feelings for someone else and not cheated on you with Daniel.” Lucas looked at Sami and smirked, “Are you going to tell that to Rafe?” “Tell what to Rafe? What are you talking about?” Sami stated with a firm tone he hadn’t heard all night. “Are you going to tell Rafe that you have feelings for someone else and that you don’t want to cheat on him with me?” Sami stared at Lucas with her mouth wide open, “How could you take what I just said and twist it like that? You are unbelievable you know. I come here in the middle of the night to make sure you are alright and you pull this. I love Raf” Sami cut her sentence and looked back at Lucas, she bit her lower lip and picked up her purse and headed toward the door. “Sami don’t leave yet” Lucas shouted toward Sami. Sami didn’t stop, she swung the door open let it shut behind her. Once outside the door Sami couldn’t hold the tears in anymore. She had tried to deny everything but he wasn’t Rafe, he could read her like a book. She fumbled in her purse for a tissue to wipe the tears away and as she did that she felt someone looking at her. She didn’t have to look back to know Lucas was peeking through his living room window hoping that this was the first of many encounters between them before her February wedding to Rafe. He still had some time…not a lot but some time to make her realize what he already knew…Sami hadn’t stopped loving him, actually he would bet his arm that she loved him now more than ever.…. (To be continued)
	There’s someone I’ve been missing I think that they could be The better half of me They’re in the wrong place trying to make it right But I’m tired of justifying So I say ... Come home Cause I’ve been waiting for you


generalscami	Tuesday Nov 10 2009, 06:18 PM Post #2
Lumi Senior Posts: 807 Group: All Access Lumi Member #62 Joined: March 22, 2006	Great fic so far... I can't wait to see what happens next... Please Update SOON!!



CanuckDaysfan	Tuesday Nov 10 2009, 11:09 PM Post #3
Keeper of the Clips Posts: 13,785 Group: Managers Member #1 Joined: November 22, 2005 Lucas & Sami are inevitable.	Great start! I can't wait to see what happens.



Medea	Wednesday Nov 11 2009, 08:11 AM Post #4
Hibernating until Lumi return Posts: 6,157 Group: Managers Member #731 Joined: March 17, 2007 Lucas & Sami have been simply Lumi-nous since 1993	Yay, fic! Quote: “I wasn’t thinking about Lucas doing anything.” Rafe stated. “I just don’t want you driving alone so late at night.” “Don’t worry; I have always taken care of myself.” “Really?” said Rafe as if questioning Sami’s capabilities. Yeah, that's about right. LOL. Keep up the good work!
	Do you remember what she told him? She took her lover’s hand, and she said, “just because something is intangible doesn't mean that it's not real.” Lucas, no matter what happens, no matter what we’ve been through, no matter what I say, you will always be in my heart. -- Sami Brady, November 2007


luvinglumi	Wednesday Nov 11 2009, 11:50 AM Post #5
Keeping the LUMI love alive Posts: 9,978 Group: Assistant Managers Member #1,233 Joined: February 6, 2009 Lucas & Sami are destined!	Thanks for the great response..chugging away now at chapter 2 so it should be up by next week....this can be addictive...
	There’s someone I’ve been missing I think that they could be The better half of me They’re in the wrong place trying to make it right But I’m tired of justifying So I say ... Come home Cause I’ve been waiting for you


tje8375	Sunday Nov 15 2009, 08:57 PM Post #6
Lumi Masters Posts: 4,804 Group: All Access Lumi Member #1,361 Joined: May 29, 2009	Always loving a good lumi story. Great job my friend. Can't wait for chapter two. So when are you going to be done?
	Thank you Days for bringing back Bryan Dattilo as Lucas Horton! His fans are ecstatic about his return!


shawubble	Monday Nov 23 2009, 02:46 PM Post #7
Lumi B.A. Posts: 1,503 Group: All Access Lumi Member #1,202 Joined: January 19, 2009	You are a genius. I could actually picture everything. It was like a movie.



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