Laundry Room Confessions

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Laundry Room Confessions; Complete Ficlet
Topic Started: Monday Jul 25 2011, 03:47 AM (717 Views)
NathanJosiah	Monday Jul 25 2011, 03:47 AM Post #1
Lumi Freshman Posts: 34 Group: Lumi Enthusiasts Member #16 Joined: March 22, 2006	Title: Laundry Room Confessions Rating:PG13 Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Days of our Lives character. They are property of NBC/Corday Productions/Sony. Laundry Room Confessions is my own creation. This is Sami's answer to Outside, Looking In May 8, 2017 Safe's house Salem, USA The house is quiet. Everyone is asleep except me. I'm in the laundry room, folding clothes. Jeans in various sizes and styles are already stacked neatly on the table. I pull a load of sky blue t-shirts from the dryer, they're warm and they smell like fabric softener. I resist the urge to bury my face in the shirts. My husband thinks it's weird that I sniff the laundry. Personally I think he had a deprived childhood if he never hid in a basket of warm towels. My earliest memory is the scent of fabric softener and the feel of a warm, fluffy towel against my cheek. Doing laundry was the most normal thing in the world and there wasn't much normal about my early childhood. I used to love to watch Grandma fold the laundry. Eric feels the same way about warm laundry and the smell of fabric softener. We have discussed this on several occassions. Even all these years later there is something strangely comforting about the warmth and scent of clothes straight from the dryer. I get some of my best thinking done in the laundry room. The light blue t-shirts I have just pulled from the dryer all have 5th Annual Brady Family Reunion in block letters across the front. I pick up the first shirt. William Robert Horton is in the same block letters on the back of the shirt. A mental image of my son fills my mind. It's hard to believe that my baby boy turned 25 last fall. He's grown into a fine young man. It has been said that Will is a perfect combination of both his parents. I think he got the very best of both of us, but I see more of Lucas in him than me. He's patient and gentle, passionate and intelligent. He's got Lucas' smile and my eyes. His hair is thick like Lucas' but a shade somewhere between Lucas' dark and my light. Gabriela Hernandez Horton, it looks pretty spelled out on the back of a t-shirt. Gabi is just as sweet and pretty as they come. She's also smart as a whip and she loves my son. She is the kind of woman I always imagined Will would fall for. She was his high school sweetheart and they've been married three years this month. Gabi is pretty much the exact opposite of me with her dark hair and eyes and her sweet nature. I'm sure she would never consider scheming to steal her sister's boyfriend or pose as a man or lie about anything. I sometimes think that what first attracted Will to Gabi was how different she is from me. I said that to him once and he told me the reason he'd fallen so hard for Gabi was the ways that she's like me. She loves deeply and there isn't anything she wouldn't do for the people she loves. She's a good mother and her child is the most important thing in the world to her. He did say that he was glad she was a better cook than me. I pick up a little onesie. Arianna Grace Horton, her name barely fits on the shirt. My granddaughter is a five month old bundle of joy. She hardly ever cries and she already sleeps through the night. She's got a head full of dark hair and brown eyes. She is very "talkative" and loves being the center of attention. She's got the sweetest laugh and is extremely ticklish. Her favorite people are her daddy, grandpa and Uncle Johnny, but she adores her aunts too. I have a photo in my wallet that Gabi took at Arianna's christening. In the photo Johnny is holding Arianna with Will and Lucas on either side. I also have one of Allie, Will and Lucas with Arianna at the christening that I carry in my wallet. Allie, Sydney and Johnny are all rather taken with their niece. But who am I kidding? That little girl has all of us wrapped around her little finger. I fold the shirt that says Alice Caroline Horton on the back. Allie was mad at me for putting Alice on her t-shirt. When I pointed out that her cousin Ciara also had Alic on her shirt Allie rolled her eyes and said, "it's not the same." Allie is my mini-me from the blond hair and blue eyes to the attitude, payback for the way I spoke to my parents(especially mom) as a teen. At nine and a half, Allie already thinks she hates me. I honestly believe that if it weren't for Johnny, Sydney and Will she'd move to Hong Kong with Lucas permanently. In Allie's little girl mind everything bad that has ever happened is my fault and she's not entirely wrong. She's too smart for her own good and she's funny and she's beautiful. She's passionate and tempramental. She's me, but with Lucas' smirk. There are moments that she looks at me and her posture and facial expression are so much her father that it scares me. She might complain that Alice is an old lady name, but deep down she is proud to be a Horton and proud to be named after her great grandmother. I reach for another t-shirt, John Roman Brady. It bothers Johnny and Allie both that they're twins with two different last names, but I can't help that. When I filled out the birth certificate I named my second son John Roman Horton. It's not my fault that EJ made me change it. I didn't want to. I wanted Johnny to be a Horton, I wanted Lucas to be his father. After that horrible mess with Fake Rafe Johnny insisted he didn't want to be a Dimera anymore. I couldn't blame him. I had his name and Sydney's legally changed to Brady. Despite what the DNA test said when I look at Johnny I see more of Lucas than I do of EJ. He's got thick, dark, curly hair and brown eyes. He's got Lucas' smirk and I don't even know how that happened. It isn't like they've spent a whole lot of time together in the last nine years. Every time I bring it up people say it's just wishful thinking, that I'm seeing what I want to see. I don't understand how no one else see it. This boy is as mischievous and charming as Lucas. He's got the same temper and yet he can be just as gentle. The next shirt out of the pile belongs to Sydney Ann Brady. Of all my children it is my shy eight year old that I worry most about. I have so much guilt when it comes to this precious little girl. I've got eight years worth of mistakes to make up to her and I don't know how. For starters how could I not know that Sydney and not Grace was my baby? I missed out on the initial bonding with my youngest child. Sydney has Dimera DNA and that worries me. Not because I think my daughter will turn into her father or anything like that. I wasn't thinking straight when Sydney was conceived. If I had been, Elvis Dimera would've been the last person I slept with. No scratch that, if I'd been thinking straight I wouldn't have slept with EJ if he was the last man on earth and the entire future of the world depended on me. Yet how can I consider that a mistake when it gave me Sydney? What does my loathing her father do to my daughter? Sydney is the most reserved of my children. She keeps things bottled up. She is deeply hurt about the mean things kids say about her father, not to mention the mean things adults say when they don't know she's listening. Unlike Johnny, she isn't angry about what EJ did, she's just confused. She loved him and he claimed to love her and then he went away. She doesn't understand why he would do the horrible things he did if he truly loved her. Sydney reminds me of myself in ways that terrify me. Will and Johnny and Allie got the best parts of me, Allie's current attitude being the exception. Sydney has the same low self esteem. She's a dreamer like I was and she internalizes like I always have. I have so much guilt and I'm so worried about Sydney and she senses it. I don't know how to help her. She won't talk to me and I hate it. Our relationship reminds me of my relationship with my own mother and I don't like it, but I don't know how to fix it. At least Allie is talking to me or more accurately yelling at me. At least I know how she's feeling. With Sydney I don't have a clue. She talks to Nicole more than she talks to me and that hurts. Samantha Brady Hernandez, that's what my shirt says. I struggled with what name to put on my shirt. It was a no brainer with the kids, I went with full names for all of them. I didn't even consult them. It was harder to do my own though because I felt like Samantha Brady Hernandez was only part of the story, only part of who I am. I almost just went with Sami Gene Brady because I couldn't decide, but I knew that would hurt Rafe. I am on my fifth marriage and each of those marriages taught me something valuable, but lets face it Samantha Gene Brady Reed Walker Roberts (Horton) Dimera Hernandez wouldn't fit on even a 5XL t-shirt. It might fit on a billboard, but not a t-shirt. Plus do I really want to advertise that I was married to a Dimera at a Brady Family Reunion? Honestly I wish I could forget that marriage ever happened. Sometimes I do forget that I was once Samantha Walker. It only lasted about a minute and while at the time I was devestated, looking back now I know that Brandon didn't matter. Now I have no clue what I saw in him. Kind of like Franco who charmed me, but I can blame that on my youth. I can't explain Brandon. I was lonely and he was nice to me. I should've known better. No one who really knows me has ever been nice to me with the exception of husband number three, but I'm not ready to think about him. So anyway, Brandon didn't matter. So I could leave Walker off the shirt without feeling bad. If I put Reed on the shirt I'm pretty sure my sister would've been ticked. Which in years past would've been enough reason to do it. I used to live to tick Carrie off. I was so jealous of her and now I don't know why. Even though I schemed for so long to get Austin, in the end he doesn't matter either. I know it's twisted, but I only wanted Austin because Carrie had him. Carrie always got what she wanted and I worked so hard to make sure she didn't get Austin. Now I'm sorry for what I put them through, but in the end Carrie still got what she wanted. She's Mrs. Austin Reed. I'm happy for her. Ok, I couldn't care less about Carrie or Austin. They deserve each other. They're both cheaters. I wouldn't be surprised if Carrie was cheating on Austin now. I doubt Austin's cheating on her though because for Austin there was only ever Carrie. Which is the only reason I wanted him. Everyone loved Carrie best and I wanted somone to love me best. Not that it matters anymore because Carrie got what she wanted. So I left Reed off the shirt. That leaves Roberts or Horton. I knew I couldn't do that to Rafe. I couldn't do that to Rafe because Lucas mattered. He's the only one that ever mattered. He knows me like no one else does and he loved me anyway. He's the father of half my children and I wish he was the father of the other half too. Lucas mattered in ways no one else ever could. He was my first and I wanted him to be my last. He always forgave me no matter what stupid stunt I pulled. He always loved me no matter what stupid stunt I pulled. When I think about all the best moments in my life, Lucas was there to share them all. When I think about all the worst moments in my life, Lucas was there to get me through. Even when Sydney was kidnapped it was Lucas who offered me comfort. Which means so much because Sydney is the reason that Lucas and I aren't still together. Her very existance is a problem for him. She's a reminder of my betrayal. At least that's how he sees it. (He's the one who told me to move on in a freaking email.) Lucas and I hurt each other in ways that no one else could, but he's still the only one of my ex husbands who matters. He's still important to me. I pick up the last shirt: Rafael Hernandez, my husband of 6 1/2 hears. I think back to the family reunion which was the day before yesterday. I remember thinking that just putting names on the back of the shirts wasn't enough. I needed a chart to keep everyone straight and I've been a member of this family my entire life. I don't know how the spouses and the younger children weren't completely lost. Ok so maybe Will prepped Gabi. Rafe on the other hand was completely lost. When I was trying to explain to Rafe that Belle is my half-sister, my second cousin and the wife of my cousin Shawn I just kept thinking that I wouldn't have to explain this to Lucas. Lucas understood my family tree. His is almost as complicated and the Brady and Horton family trees intersect in a lot of places. Of course I felt guilty for thinking that way. Rafe is my husband and it's not fair to compare him to Lucas. It's not his fault that my family is so darn confusing that I need diagrams to keep it all straight. I love Rafe, really I do. Except if I'm so in love with Rafe why can't I get Lucas off my mind. Lucas is the reason I can't sleep tonight. I can't stop thinking about him. All day today I couldn't stop thinking about Lucas. I swear a couple of times I could almost feel him. Like he was here, but that's absurd. He hasn't stepped foot in Salem in years. I could smell him today in the park. I know that probably millions of people use the same soap and deodorant he does, but Lucas has his own distinct scent. It's soap and sweat and man; it's sexy and sweet. It's Lucas and I would know because whenever Allie comes home from Hong Kong and I open her suitcase that scent accosts me. I have Lucas on the brain. I have a wonderful, amazing husband who loves me and all of my kids. So what does it mean when all I can think about is the ex-husband that broke my heart? I've loved Lucas more than half my life. He was my best friend, my partner in crime, my lover, my everything. He is still the love of my life. I've accepted that we can't be together, but I don't think I'll ever get over him. Loving him is my destiny. We could've had it all. We should've lasted forever. But he walked away. Ok so I'm the one who insisted on the divorce, but I didn't mean it. It was only supposed to be temporary. I wanted him to wait for me. But I didn't wait for him. It's my fault. Now I'm stuck in this weird place where I know I can't have him, but I can't let go either. I know now that no one will ever make me as happy as that military school drop-out I fell in love with when I was fifteen. Why am I doing this? How can I still want Lucas after he hurt me so much? How can I want a man who will never be able to accept my youngest daughter? I love him more than I've ever loved anyone, current husband included. All I've ever wanted is Lucas and he doesn't want me anymore. I have so many regrets when it comes to Lucas. I should've waited for him. I should've fought harder. I gave up too easily. I made my share of mistakes, but I'm paying for them now. My biggest fear is being alone. That's why I married Rafe, but I'm still lonely. I'm a lonely woman who fantasizes about a man I can't have while I fold another man's clothes. Does he know how much I love him? Does he miss me even a little bit? Does he think about me? Do I haunt his dreams like he haunts mine? Does he even remember what today is? "Happy Anniversary General. I will always love you!"



Amanda	Monday Jul 25 2011, 02:26 PM Post #2
Lumi Senior Posts: 500 Group: Lumi Fic Fan Member #89 Joined: March 23, 2006	Great job. Loved it - but also found it very depressing :-( Poor, Sami. I can totally see her being like this.
	But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain. And it's 2am and I'm cursing your name. You're so in love that you act insane. And that's the way I loved you. Breakin' down and coming undone. It's a roller coaster kinda rush. And I never knew I could feel that much. And that's the way I loved you.


generalscami	Tuesday Jul 26 2011, 12:02 AM Post #3
Lumi Senior Posts: 851 Group: Lumi Advocates Member #62 Joined: March 22, 2006	Great Job!! Sad... but good!!!



NathanJosiah	Tuesday Jul 26 2011, 02:41 AM Post #4
Lumi Freshman Posts: 34 Group: Lumi Enthusiasts Member #16 Joined: March 22, 2006	It was depressing for me to write. Now I'm off to write something where I can repair their relationship. With a little help from some people who love them both.



gabrielle	Tuesday Jul 26 2011, 06:25 AM Post #5
Lumi Freshman Posts: 7 Group: Lumi Enthusiasts Member #1,609 Joined: December 2, 2010	Excellent job on this story. I loved it. It really told how sami feels about lucas. How she really still loves him.



txshecat0423	Tuesday Jul 26 2011, 12:04 PM Post #6
Lumi Senior Posts: 819 Group: Lumi Advocates Member #835 Joined: September 27, 2007	Really well-written...I too have a "love of my life" I can't be with (for a lot of the reasons Sami had!) and this sounds like a conversation I might have had with myself. Loved it!
	www.lonestarcowgirls.com HOW 'BOUT THEM COWGIRLS?


tje8375	Tuesday Aug 2 2011, 12:51 AM Post #7
Lumi Ph.D. Posts: 5,693 Group: Lumi Advocates Member #1,361 Joined: May 29, 2009	Loved your story, but sad. I miss LUMI.
	Thank you Days for bringing back Bryan Dattilo as Lucas Horton! His fans are ecstatic about his return!


shawubble	Tuesday Aug 30 2011, 04:48 PM Post #8
Lumi B.A. Posts: 1,714 Group: Lumi Enthusiasts Member #1,202 Joined: January 19, 2009	It was on the money. Sami would do this . Perfectly written for her.



ddmtex	Thursday Jan 5 2012, 02:57 PM Post #9
Lumi B.A. Posts: 1,141 Group: Lumi Enthusiasts Member #1,326 Joined: April 8, 2009	It was sad, but still a lovely story. And it does have a hint of hope. Of what could be.



ashley81	Thursday Jan 19 2012, 09:18 PM Post #10
Lumi Freshman Posts: 24 Group: Lumi Enthusiasts Member #1,317 Joined: March 28, 2009	well written but so sad. I can't help but wondering if she really did sense Lucas at the park......... hint hint part 2................ Edited by ashley81, Thursday Jan 19 2012, 09:19 PM.



lumifan071	Saturday Jan 28 2012, 08:04 AM Post #11
Lumi Sophmore Posts: 62 Group: Lumi Fans Member #1,727 Joined: January 26, 2012	Omg amazing story enjoyed reading it loved the ending Happy Annivsary General brings their emotional storyline back to the begining in 1993 hurry up with part 2



Kari936	Monday Feb 27 2012, 12:43 AM Post #12
Lumi Masters Posts: 2,065 Group: Assistant Managers Member #32 Joined: March 22, 2006	aw, sami Nice job! sad but accurate.



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